Vacation is one time when older people find out they are not as young as they feel.
To avoid old age, keep overdrinking, overeating, and overachieving.
In gardening, it’s a race between your back and enthusiasm–to see which will give out first.
Middle age is when you’re not inclined to exercise anything but caution.
You cannot take credit for beauty at sixteen, but if you are beautiful when sixty, it will be your soul’s doing.
Don’t worry about getting old. It is better to be “over the hill” than under it.
Wrinkles are receipts for living.
When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not.
If you can’t run with the dogs, stay off the porch.
The world gets better every day–and then gets worse toward the evening.
The first step to senility is to believe you have all the answers.
Middle age is when you look into the mirror and wish you hadn’t.
The way I see it, you’re only young once–and it takes years of middle age to get over it.
We cannot avoid growing old, but we can avoid growing cold.
Most folks like the old days better–they were younger then.
Middle age is when the products you bought with a lifetime guarantee begin to wear out.
The persons most difficult to convince that they’re at retirement age are children at bedtime.
You’ve reached middle age when pulling your weight is a real drag.
You know you’re getting old when your back goes out more often than you do.
Retirement is when you stop making a living and start making a life.
No one grows old by living–only by losing interest in living.
An excellent way to grow old is to stay young.
Old age is ready to undertake tasks that youth shirked because it would take too long.
You’ve reached middle age when you feel great when you’re only fair.
Middle age is that time of life when after one night out you need two nights in.
Middle age is when you can remember how comfortably you lived on what Uncle Sam now deducts from your paycheck.
The worst thing about growing old is listening to your children’s advice.
Nothing makes a woman feel older than meeting a bald-headed man who was two grades back of her in school.
You are getting old if it takes you longer to rest than it did to get tired.
Retirement is when you putter around the yard and mutter around the house.
People are funny–everyone wants to live a long life, but no one wants to get old.
Middle age is too young for Medicare and too old for men to care.
You are an old-timer if you can remember when the sky was the limit.
Middle age starts the day you become more interested in how long your car will last than how fast it will go.
Growing old is nothing more than a bad habit that a busy man has no time to form.
Living in the past has one thing in its favor–it’s cheaper.
Most of us as we grow older, get sadder and wider.
Middle age is when you know all the answers, but no one asks the questions.
I’m at that age where I have nothing to do with natural foods; I need all the preservatives I can get.
I feel I am growing old for want of somebody to tell me that I am looking as young as ever.
Some men, when they get too old to set a bad example, start giving good advice.
An old-timer is one who remembers when people wore blue jeans to work.
Middle age is the time of life when work begins to be a lot less fun and fun begins to be a lot more work.
The good old days are those days that I could master. The pace was slower and I was faster.
There are three things that indicate old age–the first is a failing memory . . . and I don’t remember the other two.
By the time a man is old enough to watch his step, he is too old to go anywhere.
Middle age is when the narrow waist and the broad mind begin to change places.
Some people say that as you get old, you have to give up things. Perhaps, you get old because you give up too many things.
One old-timer says he’s in favor of progress, just as long as nobody changes anything.
If you’re over the hill, why not enjoy the view?
You can tell you’re getting older when everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work.
Middle age is that difficult time between adolescence and retirement when you have to take care of yourself.
Having fun is like buying life insurance–the older you get, the more it costs.
You’ve reached middle age when weight lifting consists of just standing up.
Retirement is that marvelous time of life when the sun rises and you don’t.
When saving for old age, be sure to put away a few pleasant thoughts.
An old-timer is someone who remembers when charity was a virtue, not an organization.
By the time a person gets into greener pastures, he usually can’t climb the fence.
Middle age is that period when looking backward makes one sad and looking forward makes one miserable.
No one is rich enough to buy back his past.
Old age is not coasting–it’s climbing.
The young sow wild oats–the old grow sage.
You’ve reached middle age when a lot of living under your belt begins to show there.
When you are young, you want to change the world–when you are old, you want to change the young.
Old age is when you get out of the shower and you’re glad the mirror is fogged up.
Middle age is that time of life when a woman won’t tell her age and a man won’t act his.
You are getting old when the candles cost most than the cake.
Wrinkles should merely indicate where the smiles have been.
Retirement is a matter of attitude–I’m retreaded, not retired.
Too many of us keep from going forward by looking back to the good old days.
It is doubtful if any person really enjoys reaching threescore and ten if he has never learned to keep score by God’s rules.
A person is old only when he shuts his mind and stops learning.
Middle age–too many nights around the table.
Age doesn’t matter unless you are cheese.
Forty is the old age of youth–fifty is the youth of old age.
The paradox of age–the young want to be old, and the old want to be young.
God gave us memories so we could have roses in December.
Middle age is when what used to give you heart throbs now gives you heartburn.
Old age is like everything else. To be a success, you’ve got to start young.
An old man continues to be young in two things–love of money and love of life.
You can tell how healthy a man is by what he takes two at a time–steps or pills.
A sure sign of old age is when you feel your “corns” more than your oats.