Money and Experience
When a person with experience meets a person with money, the person with experience will get the money, and the person with the money will get some experience. –Leonard Lauder
IRS Policy
When you consider the taxes the average person has to pay, the IRS seems to have a policy of “handicap the hired.”
Consolation
Money can’t buy you friends, but your enemies treat you a little better.
Would It Work for Me?
Money can’t buy happiness, we’re told. But a lot of people would like the chance to prove it for themselves.
Small Wonder
Two Irishmen who were traveling in the Holy Land came to the Sea of Galilee. They discovered that it would cost them fifty dollars each to cross the lake by boat. They cried out in protest. “The Lakes of Killarney are the most beautiful lakes in the world and one can cross them for a few shillings.”
The guide explained: “Oh, but this is the lake Jesus walked on!”
The Irishmen quickly retorted: “Small wonder, at the prices you charge for taking a boat.”
God’s Design
God divided the hands into fingers so that money could slip through. –Martin Luther
Out of Date
Among the things that money can’t buy is what it used to.
The Miser
A miser isn’t any fun to live with—but he makes a wonderful ancestor.
Money Buys What?
Many people have finally realized that money can’t buy happiness. Now they’re trying credit cards.
Boiling It Down to the Essence
A visiting American textile buyer told a long but amusing anecdote at a luncheon in Seoul, Korea. The translator repeated it to the group in just a few words and the audience laughed and applauded. Later, the textile buyer commented to the translator, “I think it was wonderful the way they appreciated my joke. It’s amazing how you were able to shorten it in Korean.” The interpreter replied, “Not at all. I merely said, ‘Man with big checkbook has told a funny story. Do what you think is appropriate.’”
Leading into Sin
The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has. –Will Rogers
Income Management
People try to live within their income so that they can afford to pay taxes to a government that can’t live within its income. –Robert Half
Family Money
The average family’s ambition is to make as much money as they’re spending.
Not a State of Mind
Rich isn’t just a state of mind. It’s not having to arrange your vacation so that you arrive home on pay day.
Clout—Who Has It?
An ad appeared in the classified section of the newspaper that read: “I would like to announce that the ad I put in this newspaper last Saturday was in error. I will be responsible for any debts incurred by my wife. And I will start paying as soon as I get out of the hospital.”
Pseudo-Concern
A knock at the door brought the lady of the house face to face with a man of sad countenance. He said, “I am sorry to disturb you, but I am collecting money for an unfortunate family in your neighborhood.” He went on with great sympathy. “The husband is out of work, the kids are hungry, the utilities are soon to be cut off, and worst of all, they are going to be kicked out of their home if they cannot get the rent money by this afternoon.” The woman replied with great concern, “I will be happy to help, but who are you?” He replied, “I am the landlord.”
Real Power
Billy Graham was speaking in the San Jose area, and on the closing day told this story. It seems there was a strong man who traveled with a circus. One of his most impressive stunts was to take an orange and squeeze every last drop of juice out of it. Then he would offer one thousand dollars to anyone who could manage to squeeze as much as one additional drop from it. He went from town to town making his offer, but no one was able to win the one thousand dollars from him. Then one day he came to a small town in California and made his demonstration of juice-squeezing prowess and his challenge. A small, wizened, ninety-eight pound weakling type man came forward and said he’d like to take a try at the challenge. He took the crushed orange and proceeded to squeeze six more drops of juice from it. The strong man was amazed. He could hardly believe his eyes. He asked how he was possibly able to do this. The man shrugged and said, “Oh, I’m the treasurer down at the Baptist church and we do this all the time.”
Poverty Perspective
In Hollywood there is an exclusive school attended by children of movie stars, producers, and directors. Asked to write a composition on the subject of poverty, one little girl started her literary piece: “Once there was a poor little girl. Her father was poor, her mother was poor, her governess was poor, her chauffeur was poor, her butler was poor. In fact, everybody in the house was very, very poor.”
Now I See!
Rev. Don Holesapple, a Baptist preacher, tells the story on himself about the time he received a call from a woman who was quite upset over the death of her pet cat, Homer. She wanted the preacher to conduct the funeral service for Homer! Holesapple explained that his was a little out of his line and referred her to a friend, a Presbyterian pastor at a church down the street.
Later, Holesapple learned that the Presbyterian pastor had referred her to a Methodist minister, who had referred her to someone else. About an hour later, she called Holesapply back, still upset. The woman said she was at her wit’s end, couldn’t find a preacher to conduct Homer’s services, and didn’t know what to do. She said she planned to give one thousand dollars to the church of the minister who performed this service for Homer. Holesapply said it took him only a moment to mull this over, and then he said to her, “Well, why didn’t you tell me Homer was a Baptist cat in the first place!”
Jesus and Finance
Jesus talked a great deal about money. Sixteen of the thirty-six parables were concerned with how to handle money and possessions. In the Gospels, an amazing one out of 10 verses (288 in all) deal directly with the subject of money. The Bible offers 500 verses on prayer, less than 500 verses on faith, but more than 2000 verses on money and possessions. –Howard Dayton, Jr.
Simple Rules for Investing
Don’t gamble. Take all your savings and buy some good stock and hold it until it goes up, then sell it. If it don’t go up, don’t buy it. –Will Rogers
Making Money
If you make money at poker, that’s gambling. If you make it playing bridge, it’s a social activity. If you make it outguessing the commodities, that’s a miracle.
The Ogre in the Pit
Once upon a time, there was a White Knight looking for adventure. He came to a village where legend told of a terrible ogre in a pit. Bravely the White Knight took up the challenge. He would do battle with the terrible ogre in the pit. The people remembered several courageous men had climbed down into the pit, but no one could remember even one of those champions returning.
The White Knight stood looking at the deep, dark hole. The opening was so narrow, he stripped himself of armor and unnecessary clothing. He took only a long dagger, which he tied around his neck with a leather strap. After securing a rope at the opening and testing its strength, he gripped it firmly and began lowering himself, hand under hand, letting the rope slip between his feet. Soon he felt the cool, smooth floor of the chamber. It took several minutes for his eyes to adjust to the darkness, but soon he focused on a large mound. Then he realized it was the bones of his predecessors, along with their assorted weapons. A little way off he spotted another mound—but he wasn’t sure what it was.
Suddenly he was surprised by the inhabitant of the pit—surprised because he didn’t anticipate that the ogre would be only as tall as a rabbit. The ogre waved his arms and screeched with its squeaky voice, trying to appear as fierce as possible. The White Knight picked up a sword from the floor and prepared to do battle, but quick as a rat, the ogre ran into a hole near the second mound.
The White Knight followed, and as the second mound became clearer and again he was surprised. Before his eyes there glittered balls of gold as big as grapefruits and diamonds as big as plums. With only a small part of that treasure, any commoner would be a prince for life. The little ogre lost its importance in view of this great treasure.
But the White Knight had a problem. How would he carry it out of the hole? He had no pockets. Who would believe him if he didn’t bring back at least one piece?
He suddenly had an idea. He would take one of the diamonds in his mouth and carry it that way until he had climbed out of the hole. He could always come back later for the rest. Hurriedly, he chose one of the larger diamonds. It fit comfortably into his mouth, and he began the arduous climb out of the pit, hand over hand, gripping the rope with his feet. His tongue held the diamond tightly against the roof of his mouth. Higher and higher he climbed until the heavy exertion began to render him breathless. He would have to breathe through his mouth in order to get enough air. As he took in a large gulp of air, the diamond slipped in his throat. The White Knight choked on his treasure, lost consciousness, and fell to his death on the mound of bones below.
You see, the terrible ogre in the pit was not the little troll. The ogre in the pit was greed—greed in the hearts of men who saw easy treasure and the hope of unearthed gain. The glitter of this world had choked him to death.
A Workable Budget
Husband to wife as they plan a budget in the current inflationary times: “Let’s start with the basic necessities—food, clothing, and shelter. We have a choice of any two.” –Ralph Dunagan
Win a Little, Lose a Bunch
Several centuries ago one of the popes, an avid patron of the arts, is said to have surveyed the vast artistic riches he had amassed and to have gloated: “No longer can the church of Jesus Christ say ‘Silver and gold have I none.’” And a subordinate replied, “But then neither can she now say, ‘Rise up and walk.’” –David Barrett
Modern Revolution
If Patrick Henry thought taxation without representation was bad, he should see it with representation.
Taking It with Him
The story is told by the chief accountant for one of the wealthiest men who ever lived—John D. Rockefeller, Sr. Someone asked the accountant one day, “How much did John D. leave? We know he was an immensely wealthy man.” Without a moment’s hesitation, the accountant answered, “Everything!”
Money as an Index of Character
Money is one of the acid tests of character and a surprising amount of space is given to it in Scripture. Whether a man is rich or poor, observe his reaction to his possessions and you have a revealing index to his character. –Oswald Sanders
Making Vast Sums of Money
Jenny Lind, the great Swedish soprano, disappointed many of her friends because she turned down so many big contracts that would have made her world-famous. One day a friend surprised her sitting on a sunny seashore reading the New Testament. The friend rebuked the singer for not seizing her chances. Quickly, Jenny Lind put her hand over her Testament and said, “I found that making vast sums of money was spoiling my taste for this.”
The Solution to the Problem of Money
I fear, wherever riches have increased (exceeding few are the exceptions), the essence of religion, the mind that was in Christ has decreased in the same proportion. Therefore I do not see how it is possible, in the nature of things, for any revival of true religion to continue long. For religion must necessarily produce both industry and frugality; and these cannot but produce riches. But as riches increase, so will pride, anger, and love of the world in all its branches.
What way then can we take that our money may not sink us to the nethermost hell? There is one way, and there is no other under heaven. If those who “gain all they can,” and “save all they can,” will likewise “give all they can,” then the more they gain, the more they will grow in grace, and the more treasure they will lay up in heaven. –John Wesley
Theological Account
A budget is a theological document. It indicates who or what we worship.
Better You Than Us
One Alaska storekeeper’s philosophy regarding credit: “You ask for credit, we don’t give you—you get mad. We give you credit, you don’t pay—we get mad. Better you get mad.”