Prudent Romance
No woman marries for money; they are all clever enough, before marrying a millionaire, to fall in love with him first. –Cesare Pavese
Sending It on Ahead
Sigmund Freud’s favorite story was about the sailor shipwrecked on one of the South Sea islands. He was seized by the natives, hoisted to their shoulders, carried to the village, and set on a rude throne. Little by little, he learned that it was their custom once each year to make some man a king, king for a year. He liked it until he began to wonder what happened to all the former kings. Soon he discovered that every year when his kingship was ended, the king was banished to an island, where he starved to death. The sailor did not like that, but he was smart and he was king, king for a year. So he put his carpenters to work making boats, his farmers to work transplanting fruit trees to the island, farmers growing crops, masons building houses. So when his kingship was over, he was banished, not to a barren island, but to an island of abundance. It is a good parable of life: We’re all kings here, kings for a little while, able to choose what we shall do with the stuff of life.
“Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal. But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal,” Matthew 6:19-20.
Who Took What with Her?
The story is told of Rose Greenhow, a Confederate spy during the Civil War, who tried to evade capture and the loss of her fortune by sewing the gold she had gained into the seams of her dress. But the ship she boarded sank, and the weight of the gold made it impossible for the life preserver to support her. She sank to the bottom with all her wealth. Dr. Pierce Harris, who told the story, pointed out that death did to her what it does to all of us, because “we cannot take it with us” when we die. But sometimes, we might add, it takes us with it!
Money Magnates
In 1923 at the Edgewater Beach Hotel in Chicago, Illinois, eight of the most powerful money-magnates in the world gathered for a meeting. These eight, if they combined their resources and their assets, controlled more money than the US Treasury. In that group were such men as Charles Schwab. He was the president of a steel company. Richard Whitney was the president of the New York Stock Exchange, and Arthur Cutton was a wheat speculator. Albert Fall was a presidential cabinet member, personally a very wealthy man. Jesse Livermore was the greatest bear on Wall Street in his generation. Leon Fraser was the president of the International Bank of Settlements. Ivan Krueger headed the largest monopoly. Quite an impressive group of people!
Let’s look at the same group later in life. Charles Schwab died penniless. Richard Whitney spent the rest of his life serving a sentence in Sing Sing Prison. Arthur Cutton, that great wheat speculator, became insolvent. Albert Fall was pardoned from a federal prison so he might die at home. Leon Fraser, the president of that big international bank, committed suicide. Jesse Livermore committed suicide. Ivan Krueger committed suicide. Seven of those eight great big money magnates had lives that were disasters before they left planet Earth.
What mistake did they make? Thinking that what they had and what they controlled belonged to them.
Coping with Wealth
Most people can’t stand prosperity, but then again, most people don’t have to.
Kissing Power
Husbands who kiss their wives every morning before leaving for work usually live five years longer than those who do not. A kissing husband has fewer car accidents, loses up to 50 percent less time from work because of illness, and earns 20-30 percent more than a nonkissing husband. No statistics were available for benefits to kissing wives. Perhaps along with special rates for nonsmokers and nondrinkers, there’ll soon be a special policy for kissers.
How Much?
Russian author Leo Tolstoy tells the story of a rich man who was never satisfied. He always wanted more and more. He heard of a wonderful chance to get more land. For a thousand rubles he could have all that he could walk around in a day. But he had to make it back to the starting point by sundown or he would lose it all.
He arose early and set out. He walked on and on, thinking that he could get just a little more land if he kept going on. But he went so far that he realized he must walk very fast if he was to get back in time to claim the land. As the sun got lower in the sky, he quickened his pace. He began to run. As he came within sight of the starting place, he exerted his last energies, plunged over the finish line, fell to the ground, and collapsed. A stream of blood poured out of his mouth and he lay dead. His servant took a spade and dug a grave. He made it just long enough and just wide enough and buried him.
The title of Tolstoy’s story is “How Much Land Does a Man Need?” He concludes by saying, “Six feet from his head to his heels was all he needed.”
The Truth Comes Out
A man entered a sporting goods store and told the proprietor he was taking up tennis and needed some equipment. He was sold a designer warm-up suit for $250, a pair of shoes for $100, three cans of balls for $30, a book of tennis tips for $15, and a membership in a local tennis club for over a $1000. As he was leaving the store, the sportsman realized that he had forgotten the most important thing. He asked, “Could you also supply me with a racket?” The owner beamed with joy and replied, “Of course, how about a half interest in this shop?”
Loyalty to the End
The wealthy old man was very enthusiastic about his lovely young bride but sometimes wondered whether she might have just married him for his money, so he asked: “If I lost all my money, would you still love me?” She retorted, “Of course I would still love you. Don’t be silly. But I would miss you!”
The Power of Assumption
A man was inviting a friend to his wedding anniversary celebration and was explaining how to get to his place. He said: “We’re on the seventh floor, apartment D. Just touch the elevator button with your elbow.” “With my elbow? Why should I use my elbow?” And he responded, “For goodness’ sake, man. You’re not coming empty-handed, I hope!”
Let Me Put It Another Way
Once a young man proposed to his girl as they sat looking over the beautiful lake. “Darling, I want you to know that I love you more than anything else in the world. I want you to marry me. I’m not wealthy. I don’t have a yacht or a Rolls Royce like Johnny Green, but I do love you with all my heart.”
She thought for a minute and then replied, “I love you with all my heart, too, but tell me more about Johnny Green.”
Questionable Honesty
A teacher was trying to impress her students with the importance of honesty. She asked her class, “Suppose you found a briefcase with a half million dollars in it. What would you do?” Johnny raised his hand immediately and replied, “If it belonged to a poor family, I’d return it.”
Acid Test
Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes. –Henry David Thoreau
The Killjoy
I can’t think of anything that’s as much fun to own as it is to look forward to owning. –Jim Vorsas
Superior and Inferior
The superior man understands what is right; the inferior man understands what will sell. –Confucius
The Commercial Christmas
It was the first day back to school after Christmas vacation, and the teacher used a good bit of the morning by going around the room and asking each child to tell how they spent Christmas. The first boy said, “Well, we are Catholics and we went to midnight mass and came home and went right to bed. The next morning we had a big breakfast and sat around the Christmas tree and opened all our presents.” The second child then told her experience. “We are United Methodists but we did about the same thing. We went to the Christmas Eve candlelight service and came home and went to bed. We had a big Christmas breakfast and then opened all our presents.” The third child then said, “Well we aren’t Christians. But we did have a big breakfast and opened presents around the tree. Then we all got into the car and went downtown to my dad’s department store. He showed us all the empty shelves. He showed us all the money. Then we made a circle around the cash register, joined hands, and sang, ‘What a Friend We Have in Jesus.’”
Let’s Get Practical
And then there was the wife who said to her husband, “This year let’s give each other more practical gifts like socks and fur coats.”
Changing Values, Unchanging Values
Conversation overheard between two young women: “I hear you broke your engagement to Joe. What happened?” “Oh, it’s just that my feelings toward him aren’t the same.” “Are you returning his ring?” “Oh, no! My feelings toward the ring haven’t changed a bit!”
The Secret of Progress
All progress is based upon a universal innate desire on the part of every organism to live beyond its income. –Samuel Butler
Real Needs?
Every girl has certain needs. From birth to age eighteen, she needs her parents. From age eighteen to thirty-five, she needs good looks. From age thirty-five to age fifty-five, she needs a good personality. After fifty-five, she needs CASH! –Sophie Tucker
Old and Greedy
A reporter asked a man on his ninety-fifth birthday, “To what do you credit your long life?” The old timer responded, “Well, I’m not sure yet. My lawyer’s negotiating with two breakfast cereal companies.”