Genetic Poverty
Poverty is hereditary. You can get it from your children (also true of insanity).
Genetic Miracle
One of the great mysteries of life is how the idiot that your daughter married can be the father of the smartest grandchildren in the whole wide world.
Ask Me
Don’t be annoyed when your children ask impossible questions. Be proud that they think you know the answers.
The Proper Grip
Rearing kids is like holding a wet bar of soap—to firm a grasp, and it shoots from your hand, too loose a grasp, and it slides away. A gentle but firm grasp keeps it in your control.
The Stork
A little boy asked his mother where he came from, and also where she had come from as a baby. His mother gave him a tall tale about a beautiful white-feathered bird. The boy ran into the next room and asked his grandmother the same question and received a variation on the bird story. He then scampered outside to his playmate with the comment, “You know, there hasn’t been a normal birth in our family for three generations.” –Howard Hendricks
A Child Is Listening
One day a young mother and her kindergarten-age son were driving down the street. The inquisitive little boy asked, “Mommy, why do the idiots only come out when Daddy drives?”
Today, Today
Now is the time to love. Tomorrow the baby won’t be rocked, the toddler won’t be asking why, the schoolboy won’t need help with his lessons, nor will he bring his school friends home for some fun. Tomorrow the teenager will have made his major decision. Love today. –John Dresches
Love Adds the Chocolate
A house is a house is a house—until love comes through the door, that is. And love intuitively goes around sprinkling that special brand of angel dust that transforms a house into a very special home for very special people: your family.
Money, of course, can build a charming house, but only love can furnish it with a feeling of home.
Duty can pack an adequate sack lunch, but love may decide to tuck a little love note inside.
Money can provide a television set, but love controls it and cares enough to say no and take the guff that comes with it.
Obligation sends the children to bed on time, but love tucks the covers in around their necks and passes our kisses and hugs (even to teenagers).
Obligation can cook a meal, but love embellishes the table with a potted ivy trailing around slender candles.
Duty writes many letters, but love tucks a joke or a picture or a fresh stick of gum inside.
Compulsion keeps a sparkling house. But love and prayer stand a better chance of producing a happy family.
Duty gets offended quickly if it isn’t appreciated. But love learns to laugh a lot and to work for the sheer joy of doing it.
Obligation can pour a glass of milk, but quite often love will add a little chocolate.
Time Spent
Paul Tsongas was a young and rising member of the US Senate. Learning he had cancer made him reevaluate the time he had been spending with his wife and children, compared with the time he spent at work. After spending a rare evening at home with them, he realized that with the schedule he was keeping, the next night like this would probably be several years in the future. After this sobering realization, he made this observation: “Nobody on his deathbed ever said, ‘I wish I had spent more time at work.’”
The Gift of Imagination
In Berkeley, near the campus of the University of California, there’s a place where the ramp goes up the freeway. Just about the time vacations begin, that ramp is loaded with college kids hitching rides. They have signs saying SACRAMENTO or LA and other destinations which they hold up for the passing motorist to see and respond to. But one man was particularly impressed when he saw a young man with a sign saying simply, MOM IS WAITING. How could you resist?
Vacation Overload
There were four couples who rented a summer house for two months. Each couple took their two week vacation there and took the combined thirteen children of the four families with them. One couple was bragging on this clever plan to a friend when the friend said, “I don’t think of two weeks in a cabin with thirteen kids to be much of a vacation.” “Oh, no,” they replied. “Those two weeks were absolutely terrible. The vacation was the six weeks at home without the children.”
Anyone There?
Home is the place where you can say whatever you want to. No one will be listening to you anyway.
Sure-fire Obedience
A mother had a particularly trying day with her young son. Finally, she flung up her hands and shouted, “All right, Billy. Do anything you darn well please! Now let me see you disobey THAT!”
Meeting the Requirements to Drive
On his sixteenth birthday, the son approached his father and asked, “Dad, I’m sixteen now. When I get my license, can I drive the family car?”
His dad looked at him and said, “Son, driving the car takes maturity, and first, you must prove you are responsible enough. And one way you must do that is to bring up your grades. They are not acceptable. Secondly, you must read the Bible everyday. And finally, I want you to get that haircut—it looks outrageous.”
The son began the task of fulfilling his father’s requirements, knowing that the last might be impossible. When his grades came out, he came to his dad with a big smile. “Look, Dad, all As and Bs on my report card. Now can I drive the family car?”
“Very good, son. You are one-third the way there, but have you been reading the Bible?” the father asked.
“Yes, Dad, everyday,” said the son.
“Very good, son. You are two-thirds of the way there. Now when are you going to get that hair cut?”
The son, thinking he could outsmart his dad, responded, “Well, I don’t see why I should get my hair cut to drive the car. Jesus had long hair, didn’t he?” The father looked at his boy and said, “That’s right, son, and Jesus walked everywhere He went.”
An Education in Itself
Family life teaches you loyalty, patience, understanding, perseverance, and a lot of other things you wouldn’t need if you’d stayed single.
Generation Gap
It’s hard to know just where one generation ends and the next one begins, but it’s somewhere around 9 PM.
Families Pass on the Faith
May I share with you some reasons why I believe? All good reasons, none of them the really real reason. There’s my family. I believe because I was brought up in a believing family. I don’t make any bones about that. I don’t know what would have happened to me if I had been born in the depths of Manchuria of a Chinese family. I just don’t know. I do know that I was led to believe in the love of God as soon as I learned I should eat my oatmeal. We did a lot of believing in our house. We didn’t have much else to do, as a matter of fact. Other kids sang “Jesus loves me this I know, ’cause the Bible tells me so.” I sang, “Jesus loves me this I know, ’cause my ma told me so.”
I wasn’t alone. You probably heard about a reporter asking the great German theologian, Karl Barth, toward the end of his career: “Sir, you’ve written these great volumes about God, great learned tomes about all the difficult problems of God. How do you know they’re all true?” And the great theologian smiles and said, “’Cause my mother said so!”
Families are God’s primary missionary society. –Lewis Smedes
Keeping in Touch
Money isn’t everything, but it’s a surefire way not to lose touch with your kids.
Literacy’s Liabilities
Nobody who can read is ever successful at cleaning out the attic.
How Not to Do It
The sheriff’s office in a Texas city once distributed a list of rules titled “How to Raise a Juvenile Delinquent in Your Own Family.”:
Begin with infancy to give the child everything he wants. This will insure his believing that the world owes him a living.
Pick up everything he leaves lying around. This will teach him he can always throw off responsibility on others.
Take his part against neighbors, teachers, policemen. They are all prejudiced against your child. He is a “free spirit” and never wrong.
Finally, prepare yourself for a life of grief. You’re going to have it.
Genetic Fact
Parenting is hereditary. If your parents didn’t have any children, you’re not likely to have any either.
The Guilty Party Exposed
The father was brushing his teeth when his seven-year-old daughter barged into the bathroom without knocking. “Aha,” she rebuked, “so you’re the one who keeps putting the cap back on the toothpaste!”
To the Third and Fourth Generation
Max Jukes lived in New York. He did not believe in Christ or in Christian training. He refused to take his children to church, even when they asked to go. He has had 1026 descendants; 300 were sent to prison for an average term of thirteen years; 190 were public prostitutes; 680 were admitted alcoholics. His family, thus far, has cost the state in excess of $420,000. They made no contribution to society.
Jonathan Edwards lived in the same state, at the same time as Jukes. He loves the Lord and saw that his children were in church every Sunday, as he served the Lord to the best of his ability. He has had 929 descendants, and of these 430 were ministers; 86 became university professors; 13 became university presidents; 75 authored good books; 7 were elected to the United States Congress. One was vice president of his nation. His family never cost the state one cent, but has contributed immeasurably to the life of plenty in this land today.
The Book’s Dedication
John Drakeford dedicated one of his books: “To my two sons, Warwick and Brenton, teachers in the art of family living, who in the process have put gray hairs on my head, bills in my pockets, illustrations in my sermons, happiness in my home, and pride in my heart.”
Parental Influence
The biography, Norma, is the story of well-known singer for Lawrence Welk, Norma Zimmer. One of the more poignant aspects of her story is that of her teen years. Her parents were a source of great pain to her because of their drinking. Though these years were difficult for her, she began to find an escape into a better world through singing. As a senior in high school, Norma was invited to become a featured church soloist by Carl A. Pitzer of the University Christian Church in Seattle. When her parents heard she was to sing a solo in church, they both insisted they wanted to hear her, thought they did not normally attend. She tells the story of that morning:
“I was excited and elated at the prospect of singing again. The choir processed down the middle aisle, and as we walked I stole glances at the congregation, trying to find my parents. I couldn’t spot Mom and Dad.
“Then in horror I saw them—weaving down the aisle in a state of disheveled intoxication. They were late. Few empty seats were left. My parents stumbled over the feet of other people to reach a place in the middle of the row. The whole congregation stared. I don’t know how I ever got through that morning. The invocation, the congregational hymn, the prayer, the offering—and then I stood up to sing. ‘How beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of him that bringeth good tidings.’ The song seemed interminable. I tried to think only of the words and kept my eyes from turning to the row where my parents sat.
“I took my seat, my heart pounding, my cheeks burning. Dr. Hastings started to preach. At first I hardly heard him. Then his words reached me, ‘God is our refuge and strength, a tested help in time of trouble.’
“My own trouble seemed to bear down on me with tremendous weight that morning. I felt I had more than my share of grief, and I knew I needed help. I realized how desperate life in our family was without God, and that day I recommitted my life to Him. As Dr. Hastings preached that morning, Jesus came into my life not only as Savior but for daily strength and direction.”
Don’t Let Them Get Away
“I’m really worried,” said one little boy to a friend. “Dad slaves away at his job so I’ll never want for anything, so I’ll be able to go to university if I want to. Mom works hard every day washing and ironing, cleaning up after me, taking care of me when I get sick. They spend every day of their lives working just on my behalf. I’m worried.” His friend asked, “What have you got to worry about?” And he replied, “I’m afraid they might try to escape.”
Can Family Life Be Fun?
A family in the East was planning a month’s vacation to the West Coast. At the last minute, the father’s work responsibilities prevented him from going, but Mom insisted that she was capable of driving and that she and the kids would go ahead. Dad got out the maps and planned the route and where the family should stop each night. A couple of weeks later, the father completed his extra work responsibilities. He decided to surprise the family, so he flew to a West Coast city without calling them. Then he took a taxi out into the country on a highway that, according to his travel plan, the family should be driving on later that day. The taxi driver dropped him off on the side of the road. Dad waited there until he saw the family car coming, then stuck out his thumb as a hitchhiker. As Mom and the kids drove past, they did a double take. One of the kids said, “Hey, wasn’t that Dad?” Mom screeched to a stop, backed up to the hitchhiker and the family had a joyful reunion. Later, when a newspaper reporter asked the man why he would do such a crazy thing, he responded, “After I die, I want my kids to able to say, ‘Dad sure was fun, wasn’t he?’”
The Importance of Presence
The importance of parental presence as a support for children’s achievements should not be underestimated. It is a clear sign that the parents care when they take time to come to see their children perform, particularly when the children know that the parents are not there for their own pleasure or enjoyment. This awareness of parental presence is even true among preschool children, although in a somewhat muted form. I remember visiting my middle son’s nursery school class, at the request of his teacher, so that I could observe a “problem child” in the class.
It so happened that I was sitting and observing a group of boys, including my son, who sat in a circle nearby.
Their conversation went like this:
Child A: “My daddy is a doctor and he makes a lot of money and we have a swimming pool.”
Child B: “My daddy is a lawyer and he flies to Washington and talks to the president.”
Child C: “My daddy owns a company and we have our own airplane.”
Then my son: “My daddy is here!” with a proud look in my direction. Children regard the public presence of their parents as a visible symbol of caring and connectedness that is far more significant than any material support could ever be. –David Elkind
Whitewashing the Black Sheep
The children in a prominent family decided to give their father a book of the family’s history for a birthday present. They commissioned a professional biographer to do the work, carefully warning him of the family’s “black sheep” problem: Uncle George had been executed in the electric chair for murder. The biographer assured the children, “I can handle that situation so that there will be no embarrassment. I’ll merely say that Uncle George occupied a chair of applied electronics at an important government institution. He was attached to his position by the strongest of ties and his death came as a real shock.”
Home or House
A reporter came to a fire one day where a house was steadily burning down to the ground. He noticed that there was a little boy standing by with his mom and dad. The reporter said, “Son, it looks like you don’t have a home any more.” The little boy answered courageously, “We have a home—we just don’t have a house to put it in.”
When Life Begins
Martha Tippin of our church in Saratoga tells me she heard a Roman Catholic priest discussing the important theological topic of “When Does Life Begin?” on the radio. He pointed out that some feel it begins at the moment of conception, while others are convinced it starts when the baby takes the first breath. But, he pointed out, there is an increasing number who feel that life doesn’t really begin until the last kid leaves home and the dog dies.
Teamwork in Finances
The wife had been poring over the family’s financial figures and finally said to her husband, “Well, I’ve worked out a budget—now you’ll have to work out a raise!” –Goddard Sherman
Relating to One Another
Sixteen-year-old daughter: “Has anyone seen my new sweater?”
Her father: “You mean the one that cost thirty dollars?”
Her sister: “You mean the one you won’t let me wear?”
Her brother: “You mean the stupid one that makes you look fat?”
Her grandma: “You mean the one with the low neckline?”
Her mother: “You mean the one that has to be washed by hand in cold water?”
Everyone was talking about the same sweater, but no one answered her question.
Family Encouragement
Mary was having a tough day and had stretched herself out on the couch to do a bit of what she thought to be well-deserved complaining and self-pitying. She moaned to her mom and brother, “Nobody loves me. The whole world hates me!” Her brother, busily occupied playing a game, hardly looked up at her and passed on this encouraging word: “That’s not true, Mary. Some people don’t even know you.” What a lift!
Momma and Courtship
One of my most fruitful sources of illustrative material on family life is the comic strip “Momma” by Mel Lazarus. Momma is always trying to straighten out her three grown children. One of the continuing themes is the proper courtship and marriage of her daughter, Mary Lou. One day Momma asks Mary Lou why she isn’t married yet. Mary Lou responds: “Nobody’s proposed, Momma, although I am very popular with the boys.” Momma retorts: “Well, whatever is making you popular with the boys—STOP IT until one of them proposes.” In another strip, Mary Lou is on the front porch saying good night to her boyfriend and he is whispering sweet nothings in her ear. Momma is trying to eavesdrop from the window but can’t hear what’s going on. When Mary Lou finally gets inside, Momma asks, “Mary Lou, what did he whisper to you?” Mary Lou answers, “Ah, just ‘love stuff,’ Momma.” Momma replies, “Decent ‘love stuff’ can be spoken freely, out loud. Decent ‘love stuff’ can be shouted from rooftops.” Finally, her voice reaches a crescendo: “DECENT ‘LOVE STUFF’ CAN BE EMBROIDERED ON SAMPLERS!”
A Novel Program for Kids
The parent-teacher group was involved in a serious discussion about what the school’s students could do after dismissal each day. Among the many suggestions made were: playgrounds, youth huts, bicycle trails, canteens and even a student center with a paid supervisor. Finally, a practical grandmother quietly said, “Couldn’t they just go home?”
Observation on Mobility
Nothing keeps a family together like having one car in the shop.