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Confusion

Posted on January 6, 2023April 29, 2023 by Alan Holden
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Loss of Note

I write down everything I want to remember. That way, instead of spending a lot of time trying to remember what it is I wrote down, I spend the time looking for the paper I wrote it down on. –Beryl Pfizer

Completely Befuddled

A fellow bumped into his old friend whom he hadn’t seen in many years. He asked, “How’s your wife?” He replied, “She’s in heaven.” Without thinking, he responded, “Oh, I’m sorry.” Then, realizing that was not the best phrase to use, he said, “I mean, I’m glad . . . well, what I really mean is, I’m surprised.”

Bedlam

A middle-aged woman was sitting in her den when all of a sudden a small black snake crawled across the floor and under the couch. The woman was deathly afraid of snakes, so she promptly ran to the bathroom to get her husband, who was taking a shower. The man of the house came running from the shower to the den with only a towel around his waist. The man took an old broom handle and began poking under the couch to retrieve the snake. At that point, the family dog, who had been sleeping, awoke and became excited. In the dog’s frenzy over the actions of the husband, the little terrier touched his cold nose to the back of the man’s heel. Instead of realizing what had happened, the man surmised that the snake had outmaneuvered him and bitten him on the heel. He fainted dead away. The wife concluded that her husband, because of the physical exertion over trying to kill the snake, had had a heart attack. She ran from the house to a hospital emergency room that was one block away. The ambulance drivers arrived promptly and placed the man, who was now semiconscious, on a stretcher. As the attendants were carrying the man out of the den, the snake reappeared from beneath the couch. At this point one of the drivers became so excited that he dropped his end of the stretcher and broke the leg of the husband.

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