Go with the Flow
A young couple who took their three-month-old baby to the movies was warned by the usher. He said, “If the baby cries, you’ll have to leave. We’ll give you your money back.” After watching the show for a half hour, the husband asked his wife: “How do you like the movie?” She turned to him and whispered, “It’s rotten.” He agreed. “I think so, too. Pinch the baby.”
Know Your Customer
A young salesman walked up to the receptionist and asked to see the company’s sales manager. Ushered into the office, he said, “I don’t suppose you want to buy any life insurance, do you?”
“No,” replied the sales manager curtly.
“I didn’t think so,” said the salesman dejectedly, getting up to leave.
“Wait a minute,” said the sales manager. “I want to talk to you.” The salesman sat down again, obviously nervous and confused. “I train salesmen,” said the sales manager, “and you’re the worst I’ve seen yet. You’ll never sell anything until you show a little confidence and accentuate the positive. Now, because you’re obviously new at this, I’ll help you out by signing up for a ten-thousand-dollar policy.”
After the sales manager had signed on the dotted line, he said helpfully, “Young man, one thing you’ll have to do is develop a few standard organized sales talks.”
“Oh, but I have,” replied the salesman, smiling. “This is my standard organized sales talk for sales managers.”
Say Something Funny
In the days before World War II, Frank Galen, who was to become a successful writer and producer of TV comedies, reported for his army physical when his draft notice came. When he finally reached the front of the long line, the sergeant looked over his papers and said, “So you’re a comedy writer, huh? Say something funny.” For a moment, the young man was speechless. Then, turning around to face the long line of recruits standing behind him in their underwear, he yelled, “The rest of you men can go home now. The position has been filled.”
Out of the Body
When hit for a donation by a Hare Krishna at the airport, one man responded with the perfect answer: “I gave in a previous lifetime.”
Humor Is Serious
Jokes are no laughing matter to the brain. They are a type of release valve that enables us to think the unthinkable, accept the unacceptable, discover new relationships, adjust better, and maintain our mental health. They are also funny. Without them, we probably would be a dull, dim-witted society, trapped in a harsh world too serious to bear.
Without Mirth
A man without mirth is like a wagon without springs: He is jolted disagreeably by every pebble in the road. –Henry Ward Beecher