The Church without Commitment
Emerson Colaw tells about doing some work with his church’s nonresident membership list. He wrote a letter to one family that had been very active in his church. A letter came back saying, “Mr. Colaw, we now live bear a university campus and we go every Sunday to the chapel service there. They have unusually fine music . . . they have nationally known preachers every Sunday morning.” And she added a note he didn’t think necessary. “We had not heard such preaching as that before. The children are being taught in church school by seminary students.” And then she ended, “But the best of all there is no membership, no pledging, and no women’s society asking me to work. So if you don’t mind, we’ll just leave our membership at Hyde Park and continue to enjoy what we have here.” No involvement, bother. No crosses.
Faithful Attendance
A pastor was once asked to define “Faithful Attendance at Worship,” and this was his reply: All that I ask is that we apply the same standards of faithfulness to our church attendance that we would in other areas of our life. That doesn’t seem too much to ask. The church, after all, is concerned about faithfulness. Consider these examples:
If you car started one out of three times, would you consider it faithful?
If your paperboy skipped Monday and Thursdays, would they be missed?
If you didn’t show up at work two or three times a month, would your boss call you faithful?
If your refrigerator quit a day now and then, would you excuse it and say, “Oh, well, it works most of the time.”
If your water heater greets you with cold water one or two mornings a week while you were in the shower, would it be faithful?
If you miss a couple of mortgage payments in a year’s time, would your mortgage holder say, “Oh, well, ten out of twelve isn’t bad”?
If you miss worship and attend meetings only often enough to show you’re interested, but not often enough to get involved, are you faithful?
No Invitation Needed
A church member waiting to be asked to serve in his own church is just like the member of a family waiting to be invited to pull weeds in front of the house where he lives.
Letter on Attendance, Sent to a Pastor
Dear Pastor,
You often stress attendance at worship as being very important for a Christian, but I think a person has a right to miss now and then. I think every person ought to be excused for the following reasons and the number of times indicated:
Christmas (Sunday before or after)-1
New Year’s (Party lasted too long)-1
Easter (Get away for the holidays)-1
July 4 (National holiday)-1
Labor Day (Need to get away)-1
Memorial Day (Visit hometown)-1
School closing (Kids need a break)-1
School opens (One last fling)-1
Family reunions (Mine and wife’s)-2
Sleep late (Saturday night activities)-4
Deaths in family-4
Anniversary (Second honeymoon)-1
Sickness (One for each family member)-5
Business trips (A must)-3
Vacation (3 weeks)-3
Bad weather (Ice, snow, rain, clouds)-6
Ball games-5
Unexpected company (Can’t walk out)-5
Time changes (Spring ahead; fall back)-2
Special on TV(Super Bowl, etc)-3
Pastor, that leaves only two Sundays per year. So, you can count on us to be in church on the fourth Sunday in February and the third Sunday in August unless providentially hindered.
Sincerely, Faithful Member
What Doesn’t Count
Going to church don’t make anybody a Christian any more than taking a wheelbarrow into a garage makes it an automobile. –Billy Sunday
The Question about Attendance
If you don’t go to God’s house, why should He go to yours?
Rare Appearances
Some people never come to church except for their baptism, their marriage, and their funeral, or when they’re hatched, matched, and dispatched.
Getting Attention
Just before the beginning of the Sunday service at Saint Bartholomew’s on Fifth Avenue, New York City, a man wearing a large hat was discovered sitting in the front row. An usher moved to his pew, leaned in, and discreetly asked him to remove his hat. The man replied that he would not. The head usher was then summoned, made the same request, and received the same answer. About that time the president of the women of the parish arrived and was asked to assist. She had the same dismal result. Finally, with only two minutes remaining before the opening hymn, the senior warden of the parish was summoned. He tiptoed up beside the man and tried to seize that hat, but the man nimbly dodged and there was not time for further attempts.
As the opening hymn began and the procession entered the church, the man stood, removed his hat and did not put it on again.
At the conclusion of the service, the four frustrated people waited for the man at the rear of the church. The senior warden approached him and said, “Sir, about the hat: perhaps you don’t understand, but in the Episcopal church, men do not wear hats at worship.” The man replied, “Oh, but I do understand. I’ve been an Episcopalian all my life. As a matter of fact, I’ve been coming to this church regularly for two years and I’ve never met a soul. But this morning, I’ve met an usher, the head usher, the president of the church women, and the senior warden.”
Church Fights
If often seems that the church is a place for contention, which seems to turn some people away. But some see fighting in the church as a healthy sign that people care enough to invest the energy in fighting. A few years ago, two ministers got into a fight about what they considered to be an important doctrinal matter. They settled the fight when the first minister told the second, “Look, what are we fighting about? We’re both striving to do the Lord’s work. You do it your way, and I’ll do it His way.”
The Personal Touch
Some friends recently related an experience they had soon after they joined a new church. They had been assigned to a cell group in the congregation under the care of a church officer. They were excited about their new membership and really wanted to feel as though they were a part of the body.
The church, in an attempt to communicate their caring attitude toward new members, sent a letter that did everything but that. It began:
Dear _________,
We want you to know that we’re concerned about you.
Season’s Greetings
The church choir director was being driven out of his mind at the rehearsals for the Christmas choral concert. It seemed that at least one or more members of the choir was absent at every rehearsal. Finally, they reached the last rehearsal and he announced: “I want to personally thank the pianist for being the only person in this entire church choir to attend each and every rehearsal during the past two months.” At this, the pianist rose, bowed, and said, “It was the least I could do, considering I won’t be able to be at the concert tonight.”
Active Members
The pastor of a small southern church was on his way home when he met an acquaintance from town who was not a member of his church. After chatting a while, the man asked how many members he had. The pastor responded, “Fifty active members.” The friend said, “My, that certainly speaks well for you.” But the preacher responded, “Well, I wouldn’t say that. All fifty are active—but twenty-five are actively working for me and the other twenty-five are actively working against me!”
Too Much Christian Vocabulary?
After hearing his dad preach on “justification,” “sanctification,” and all the other “-ations,” a minister’s son was ready when his Sunday school teacher asked if anybody knew what “procrastination” meant. The boy said, “I’m not sure what it means, but I know our church believes in it!”
Modern Hybrid
Did you hear about the student, a follower of both theologian Paul Tillich and evangelist Billy Graham, who was asked to pronounce the benediction? He said, “And now may the Ground of All Being bless you real good!” –Anthony Evans
Pastor’s Excuses
Twelve reasons why a local clergyman stopped attending athletic events:
Every time I went, they asked me for money.
The people with whom I had to sit didn’t seem very friendly.
The seats were too hard and not comfortable.
The coach never came to call on me.
The referee made a decision with which I could not agree.
I was sitting with some hypocrites—they came only to see what others were wearing.
Some games went into overtime, and I was late getting home.
The band played some numbers that I had never heard before.
The games are scheduled when I want to do other things.
My parents took me to too many games when I was growing up.
Since I read a book on sports, I feel that I know more than the coaches anyhow.
I don’t want to take my children because I want them to choose for themselves what sport they like best.
Let George Do It
My eight-year-old son told me a joke one morning while I was frying eggs for the family’s breakfast. “Dad, how can you eat an egg without cracking the shell?”
I thought about it for several minutes before finally conceding that I did not know.
He replied, “Have someone else crack it for you.”
Now this reminded me of some church people. They want the benefits the church has to offer without sharing the responsibilities. They want revival as long as someone else does the praying. They want good programs as long as someone else does the work.
If you want to eat eggs, you’re going to have to break some shells youself.
What Is The Church?
I think that I shall never see
A church that’s all it ought to be;
A church whose members never stray
Beyond the straight and narrow way;
A church that has no empty pews,
Whose pastor never has the blues;
A church whose elders always speak,
And none is proud and all are meek.
Such perfect churches there may be,
But none of them are known to me.
But still, we’ll work and pray and plan
To make our own the best we can.
Appropriate Church Behavior
In church last Sunday, I noted a small child who was running around smiling at everyone. He wasn’t gurgling, humming, tearing the hymnbooks, or rummaging through his mother’s handbag. He was just smiling. Suddenly his mother jerked him around, and in a stage whisper that everyone could hear, said, “Stop grinning. You’re in church!” With that she gave him a slap on his hindside, and as the tears rolled down his cheeks, she added, “That’s better,” and returned to her prayers. Here was a woman sitting next to the only life in our civilization, the only hope, our only miracle, our only promise of infinity. If he couldn’t smile in church, where was there left to go?
Time to Be Nice
A priest saw Robert Schuller’s TV program “Hour of Power.” One of the things that impressed him most was the practice of everyone turning around and shaking hands with and greeting the other worshippers seated nearby. The priest felt that their church was a bit stuffy and could use a bit of friendliness. So, one Sunday, he announced that the following Sunday, they were going to initiate this custom.
At the close of this same service, a man turned around to the lady behind and said, “Good morning.” She looked at him with a shock at his boldness and said, “I beg your pardon! That friendliness business doesn’t start until next Sunday.”
The Car Analogy
Church members are like automobiles . . . they start missing before they quit.
How It All Began
In the Old Testament, kings believed that God gave them direction in dreams. If they wanted to know what they were supposed to do in their administration, they would try to receive a direct word from God in their dreams. If they weren’t getting any messages in their dreams while lying in their own beds, then they would sleep in the Temple, where they believed it would work better. This is the origin of the time-honored tradition of sleeping in church. I wanted to point out that even those who would appreciate it most, won’t hear it.
Lack of Courage
One of the bishops attending Vatican II later shared with a few colleagues a note from his personal journal: “Wisdom everywhere, courage nowhere. Dear Lord, we are dying of prudence.”
Mandatory Boredom
As the Sunday school class for seven-year-olds was well underway, one little boy suddenly exclaimed to the teacher, “Can we hurry up? This is boring.” Immediately, the little girl to his left gave him a sharp elbow to the side and rebuked him, “Shut up. It’s supposed to be boring.”
Wheat and Tares
God has some that the church doesn’t. And the church has some that God doesn’t. –St. Augustine
No Excuse Sunday
To encourage both the faithful and unfaithful to attend church this year, every Sunday will be a “No Excuse Sunday” and the following will be provided:
Cots will be placed in the vestibule for those who say, “Sunday is my only day to sleep.”
Murine will be available for those with tired eyes—from watching TV too late on Saturday night.
There will be steel helmets for those who say, “The roof would cave in if I ever came to church.”
Blankets will be furnished for those who think the church is too cold, and fans for those who say it is too hot.
We will have hearing aids for those who say, “The minister speaks too softly” and cotton for those who say, “The preacher’s too loud.”
Score cards will be available for those who wish to list the hypocrites present.
Some relatives will be in attendance for those who like to go visiting on Sundays.
There will be TV dinners for those who can’t go to church and cook dinner also.
One section of the church will be devoted to trees and grass for those who like to seek God in nature.
Finally, the church will be decorated with both Christmas poinsettias and Easter lilies for those who have never seen it without them.
The Tates in Your Church
Do you know how many members of the Tate family belong to your church? There is old man Dic Tate, who wants to run everything, while Uncle Ro Tate tries to change everything. Their sister Agi Tate stirs up plenty of trouble, with the help of her husband, Irri Tate.
Whenever new projects are suggested, Hesi Tate and his wife, Vege Tate, want to wait until next year. Then there is Aunt Imi Tate, who wants our church to be like all the others. Devas Tate provides the voice of doom, while Poten Tate wants to be the big shot.
But not all members of the family are bad. Brother Facili Tate is quite helpful in church matters. And a delightful, happy member of the family is Miss Felici Tate. Cousins Cogi Tate and Medi Tate always think things over and lend a helpful, steady hand. And of course there is the black sheep of the family, Ampu Tate, who has completely cut himself off from the church.
The Plaintive Cry for Recognition
A family had gone to the movies, and on the way in, the young man of the family stopped by the refreshment stand to pick up some popcorn. By the time he got into the theater, the lights were already dim. He scanned the theater and evidently couldn’t find his family. The lady who tells the story says she watched him pace up and down the aisles searching the crowd in the near-darkness. As the lights began to go down even further, he stopped and asked out loud, “Does anyone recognize me?”
I used the story to suggest that as visitors come into our church, they are looking for family and companionship. And often, as they stand neglected in our church narthex, or on the front lawn after service—in the deepest recesses of their hearts, they are crying out, “Does anyone recognize me?”
How Does Your Church Score?
A church newsletter mentioned a man who visited eighteen different churches on successive Sundays. He was trying to find out what the churches were really like. He said, “I sat near the front. After the service, I walked slowly to the rear, then returned to the front and went back to the foyer using another aisle. I smiled and was neatly dressed. I asked one person to direct me to a specific place: a fellowship hall, pastor’s study, etc. I remained for coffee if served. I used a scale to rate the reception I received. I awarded points on the following basis:
10 for a smile from a worshiper
10 for a greeting from someone sitting nearby
100 for an exchange of names
200 for an invitation to have coffee
200 for an invitation to return
1000 for an introduction to another worshiper
2000 for an invitation to meet the pastor
On this scale, eleven of the eighteen churches earned fewer than 100 points. Five actually received less than 20. The conclusion: The doctrine may be biblical, the singing inspirational, the sermon uplifting, but when a visitor finds nobody who cares whether he’s there, he is not like to come back.”
A Church Without Works
I was naked, and you questioned my lack of modesty in my appearance. I was imprisoned, and you debated the legal aspects of interference.
I was penniless, and you discussed tax-deductible donations from your wealth. I was sick, and you thanked the Lord for the blessings of your health.
I was hungry, and you formed a club to study malnutrition. I was homeless, and you said God’s love was shelter under any condition.
I was lonely, and you left me by myself while you and your friends prayed. You seem so holy and close to God. Yet I’m still sick and alone and afraid! –Ruth M. Walsh
Cooler Atmosphere
A church was having air-conditioning installed in the sanctuary and so the pastor was meeting with the contractor. The man asked the pastor a number of questions about the seating capacity, square footage, usual attendance, etc., all the while taking notes. Then in the midst of his calculations, he suddenly crumpled up the paper he was figuring on and started over.
“What’s wrong?” asked the pastor.
“I was figuring for a theater instead of a church,” replied the contractor.
“What’s the difference? Wouldn’t they be the same?”
“No, not really,” answered the contractor. “You see, in a theater with all that’s going on on the screen, there are certain biological changes that take place: heart rates are elevated, blood pressure increases, and body temperatures can begin to climb. In other words, there is a greater need for cooling when people get excited. On the other hand, in the church . . . .”